Patent of the Week: Fake Thong

For the plumber in us all.

U.S. Patent No. 7,574,752 Garment with Integral faux thong extension and associated method Inventor: Patrick Walters, Long Beach, CA 9. A method for covering an exposed portion of a user buttock crevice, said method comprising the steps of: a. providing a leg wear having a waist line formed along a top-most edge thereof, said leg wear including a lower torso buttocks covering garment provided with a crotch and leg portions respectively; b. providing and disposing a faux underwear garment along an interior surface of said leg wear such that a bottom-most end of said faux underwear garment is attached to said leg wear at a location below said waist line of said leg wear while a top-most end of said faux underwear garment is exposed above said waist line of said leg wear, said faux underwear garment being selected from a group including a faux g-string and a faux thong respectively; c. providing and engaging a first cord with said top-most end of said faux underwear garment such that a posterior section of said first cord remains abutted to said top-most end of said faux underwear garment, said first cord contiguously extending adjacent to an entire circumference of said waist line of said leg wear; d. adapting said leg wear to partially cover a user buttock in such a manner that said waist line of said leg wear is selectively situated below the exposed end of the user buttock crevice during use thereof; and e. automatically adapting said faux underwear garment between stretched and equilibrium positions when said waist line of said leg wear drops below and rises above the exposed end of the user buttock crevice respectively such that said faux underwear garment remains continuously positioned over the exposed end of the user buttock crevice while said waist line of said leg wear is selectively adapted below the exposed end of the user buttock crevice respectively; wherein said posterior section of said first cord remains abutted to said top-most end of said faux underwear garment as said faux underwear garment is adapted between the stretched and equilibrium positions.

Commentary: No Accelerated Examination needed here.  Just a very helpful examiner (female, if that matters) with some 112 issues. Thirteen months later, voila.  Interesting that it was filed with a non-publication request; I'd think the European or South American market might be strong for this invention.  And the first eight claims are apparatus claims, as you might expect.

Patent of the week?  More like Patent of the Rear.  (Commenters, you may now insert your own jokes...)

U.S. Patent No. 7,574,752 Garment with Integral faux thong extension and associated method Inventor: Patrick Walters, Long Beach, CA 9. A method for covering an exposed portion of a user buttock crevice, said method comprising the steps of: a. providing a leg wear having a waist line formed along a top-most edge thereof, said leg wear including a lower torso buttocks covering garment provided with a crotch and leg portions respectively; b. providing and disposing a faux underwear garment along an interior surface of said leg wear such that a bottom-most end of said faux underwear garment is attached to said leg wear at a location below said waist line of said leg wear while a top-most end of said faux underwear garment is exposed above said waist line of said leg wear, said faux underwear garment being selected from a group including a faux g-string and a faux thong respectively; c. providing and engaging a first cord with said top-most end of said faux underwear garment such that a posterior section of said first cord remains abutted to said top-most end of said faux underwear garment, said first cord contiguously extending adjacent to an entire circumference of said waist line of said leg wear; d. adapting said leg wear to partially cover a user buttock in such a manner that said waist line of said leg wear is selectively situated below the exposed end of the user buttock crevice during use thereof; and e. automatically adapting said faux underwear garment between stretched and equilibrium positions when said waist line of said leg wear drops below and rises above the exposed end of the user buttock crevice respectively such that said faux underwear garment remains continuously positioned over the exposed end of the user buttock crevice while said waist line of said leg wear is selectively adapted below the exposed end of the user buttock crevice respectively; wherein said posterior section of said first cord remains abutted to said top-most end of said faux underwear garment as said faux underwear garment is adapted between the stretched and equilibrium positions.

Commentary: No Accelerated Examination needed here.  Just a very helpful examiner (female, if that matters) with some 112 issues. Thirteen months later, voila.  Interesting that it was filed with a non-publication request; I'd think the European or South American market might be strong for this invention.  And the first eight claims are apparatus claims, as you might expect.

Patent of the week?  More like Patent of the Rear.  (Commenters, you may now insert your own jokes...)